On keeping it all together…

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I ponder this a lot…the notion of keeping it all together…if it’s possible, if I care to, if it’s even worth pondering.  I think I must care to if I spend so much time pondering it, but I’m uncertain about if it’s possible or even worth the thought.

Keeping it all together runs along the same lines in my mind as the notion of balance.  No one ever seeks balance when their world is too full of good things.  We seek balance when the crap outweighs the fun stuff…and is it the perhaps the same when I’m thinking about keeping it all together?  I wouldn’t worry about it if everything I was trying to keep together was all fun, smiles, and joy.  But welcome to life, it’s not all fun, smiles, and joy.  There’s the daily crap, the work crap, the house crap, the baby crap (I mean that literally more than figuratively – we have a lot of diapers to wash).  And it’s a lot to think about.

Most of it I enjoy thinking about.  Some of it I don’t.  Again, welcome to life.

But the feeling of juggling too much, being a hamster stuck in a wheel where if I miss one step, the whole thing crumbles into me tumbling along with the wheel?  That’s the part that gets me.

The thing is that I have created this hamster wheel.  I steer the ship.  It’s my world to do with as I please.  And in that sense, how do my daily choices affect the outcome of a week, a month, a year? And how do I shape them so that this wild ride that I call life looks just like that: a wild, wild ride full of laughter, joy, and memories?

I’m not sure…but one thing I am certain of is that I will never stop trying.

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